I had the incredible opportunity Tuesday evening to share a portion of my life with a den full of ladies. Our Women's Ministry has a summer outreach project that we call "Taste and See". The name comes from Psalm 34:8 which says, "Oh taste and see that the Lord is good; Blessed is the man who trusts in Him!" NKJV Three times during the summer, ladies open up their homes in various neighborhoods, invite churched and unchurched women to hear how great God is through a portion of someone's life story, and provide an atmosphere that is full of excitement. It's a great night of food, fellowship, and presenting Jesus in a simple way to women who may not know Him, as well as challenge those who do to draw closer to the One who loves them most.
I was asked to share the portion of my story about how God pushed me to make contact with my birthmother. The story is all about how our heavenly Father knows best. I never had a hint of a desire to know anything about the person who brought me into this world, placed me in foster care, and chose adoption. It didn't matter to me. I loved the fact that "I was selected, not expected." (That was the phrase used in my Adoption announcements.) All that mattered was that God had placed me in a loving, wonderful home with godly parents whom I love with all my heart. I didn't need anything else. I was content and very happy with life just the way it was; but God knew something I didn't.
Without telling the whole story, here's a snippet. I thought life was just peachey. I had ups and downs just like everyone else. But what I wasn't aware of was the underlying story plot that was being written while I was living life on the surface and in my own small world. Adoption was always celebrated in our family and never something that was shoved under a rug. This particular day, we were celebrating my 40th adopted day in our ususal way (lunch at the "Shrimper"), and as we were leaving, out of the blue, my mom and dad told me if I ever wanted to look up my information, it was alright with them. That was not even expected and it definitely blew me away. Why would they feel it was necessary to give me their blessing now? I'm 40 years old. God knew why. He had been testing my faith and my level of obedience through my life's circumstances and I wasn't even aware of it. Choosing to send off for my DSS (Department of Social Services) papers at the age of 42, was stretching me enough, I thought, but God continued to pull me through an adventure of obedience that would have never even been on my "Bucket List". When I finally bit the bullet and sent for the papers, I was speaking a lot in concert settings. I used my adoption story regularly through these ministry opportunities and my background information would help to fill in a few blanks.
Almost a year to the day after sending off for my DSS papers, I received my background information in the mail. My dad had been very ill and had passed away during that year. My mother was declining from dementia and was now living in an assisted living facility. During that year of care-giving for my father and mother, I was not even thinking about the papers. God knew that it would take a year because He planned it that way. While I was care-giving, He was writing more of my story under the surface which would ultimately lead me to make contact with my birthmother. The day I received the long awaited, manilla folder of information from DSS was the day that God literally gave me a "light show" that proves what the author says in Psalm 139:12. "Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You, but the night shines as the day; The darkness and the light are both alike to You." (NKJV) At that very moment, as I am anxiously reading through my DSS papers (the ones that have dark sharpie lines through the private information; the papers that are not supposed to reveal any private information), God lit those lines up with His light so I could read through every dark place that should have been hidden. Wow! I thought I was going to throw up. He was revealing information to me that was not supposed to be revealed this side of heaven, according to DSS. He was revealing His power with what was happening right before my eyes. And at the age of 43, I was being catapulted into a whole new world that I definitely had no desire to explore.
God knew what I didn't know and now He wanted me to know some private things. One was that my birthmother had suffered from depression for 43 years (my age). She had been distraught over the unknown and a decision that she had been forced to make. Two, she was bed-ridden and ill. God knew that she needed some peace of mind to move forward and He wanted to use me to help her. Two days after "seeing" my information, I was able to make contact easily (it was really too easy) with the oldest birth sister, who shared the above information with me. As I was talking to the oldest on the phone, another birth sister just "happened" to be lying on the bed with my birthmom that evening to give her some company. Later, this sister told the older one that while they were lying there, my birthmother said to her, "I hope Laura can forgive me someday." (That was my birth name- Laura.) As I was on the phone making the very first contact with this family, my birthmom, lying in her bed somewhere else, was thinking about me and desiring my forgiveness. Who knew? God did! She thought I was angry and bitter towards her. On the contrary! I was grateful that she had given me up. I know it had to have been hard, but she made the best decision. God knew what He was doing. She couldn't have kept me in the situation she was in. She even could have aborted me. But because of her choosing adoption, I was blessed to have a wonderful family- loving, godly parents. I have a sister who was also adopted. I now have a fabulous, godly husband, and two children who are the joy of my life. I also have Jesus, the greatest of all pleasures! How could I ask for more? How could I be bitter? God knew that she needed peace and the only way that healing could begin was with me. She needed to hear from my own lips that I was alright and that I harbor no hard feelings towards her. She needed to be free and God orchestrated the most incredible reunion with a family that I didn't even have a desire to know.
All of the details of how this came to be will just blow your mind. Maybe I'll share more of the story another time. But today, I wanted you to hear that "God knows". He knows you better than you know yourself. He knows that the underlying story is being written for His glory. He knows that you need Him. He knows that He loves you with an unconditional love that has no match. He knows what you are going through right now, this very moment, and yes, He cares! Trust Him to continue writing your story. He already knows you intimately and He writes the best stories ever. Spend time with the Author and Creator of all life. He wants you to pen His story of glory right along with Him.
Hang on! What God knows will blow you away!
My Pleasure,
Melanie
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